本文摘要：美好人生，從良好的人際關系開始。The good life is built with good relationships.
0:11 What keeps us healthy and happy as we go through life? If you were going to invest now in your future best self, where would you put your time and your energy? There was a recent survey of millennials asking them what their most important life goals were, and over 80 percent said that a major life goal for them was to get rich. And another 50 percent of those same young adults said that another major life goal was to become famous.
在我們的人生中 是什么讓我們保持健康且幸福呢？ 如果現在你可以 為未來的自己投資 你會把時間和精力投資在哪里呢？ 最近在千禧一代中有這么一個調查 問他們生活中最重要的目標是什么 超過80%的人說 最大的生活目標就是要有錢 還有50%的年輕人說 另一個重要的生活目標 就是要出名。
0:51 And we're constantly told to lean in to work, to push harder and achieve more. We're given the impression that these are the things that we need to go after in order to have a good life. Pictures of entire lives, of the choices that people make and how those choices work out for them, those pictures are almost impossible to get. Most of what we know about human life we know from asking people to remember the past, and as we know, hindsight is anything but 20/20. We forget vast amounts of what happens to us in life, and sometimes memory is downright creative.
而且我們總是被灌輸 要投入工作，要加倍努力 要成就更多。 我們被灌輸了這樣一種觀念， 只有做到剛才說的這些 才能有好日子過。 要人們縱觀整個人生， 想象各種選擇， 以及這些選擇最終導致的結果， 幾乎是不可能的。 關于人的一生，我們能了解到的， 大部分都是通過人的回憶得來， 但眾所周知，大部分都是事后諸葛。 一生中，我們會忘記很多發生過的事情， 而且記憶常常不可靠。
1:35 But what if we could watch entire lives as they unfold through time? What if we could study people from the time that they were teenagers all the way into old age to see what really keeps people happy and healthy?
但如果我們可以從頭到尾地 縱觀人的一生呢？ 如果我們可以跟蹤研究一個人， 從他少年時代開始 一直到他步入晚年， 看看究竟是什么讓人們 保持快樂和健康呢？
1:54 We did that. The Harvard Study of Adult Development may be the longest study of adult life that's ever been done. For 75 years, we've tracked the lives of 724 men, year after year, asking about their work, their home lives, their health, and of course asking all along the way without knowing how their life stories were going to turn out.
我們做到了。 哈佛大學（進行的）這項 關于成人發展的研究， 可能是同類研究中耗時最長的。 在75年時間里， 我們跟蹤了724個人的一生， 年復一年，了解他們的工作、 家庭生活、健康狀況， 當然，在這一過程中， 我們完全不知道他們的人生 將走向何方。
2:24 Studies like this are exceedingly rare. Almost all projects of this kind fall apart within a decade because too many people drop out of the study, or funding for the research dries up, or the researchers get distracted, or they die, and nobody moves the ball further down the field. But through a combination of luck and the persistence of several generations of researchers, this study has survived. About 60 of our original 724 men are still alive, still participating in the study, most of them in their 90s. And we are now beginning to study the more than 2,000 children of these men. And I'm the fourth director of the study.
像這樣的研究少之又少。 像這樣的項目幾乎都會在10年內終止， 因為有許多人會中途退出， 或者是研究資金不足， 或者是研究者轉換方向， 或者去世，然后項目無人接手。 但感謝幸運女神的眷顧 和幾代研究人員的堅持不懈， 這個項目存活下來了。 目前這724人中 仍有60人在世， 仍然在參與研究 大多數人已經90多歲了。 現在我們已經開始研究 他們的子孫后代， 人數多達2000多人。 我是這個項目的第四任負責人。
3:14 Since 1938, we've tracked the lives of two groups of men. The first group started in the study when they were sophomores at Harvard College. They all finished college during World War II, and then most went off to serve in the war. And the second group that we've followed was a group of boys from Boston's poorest neighborhoods, boys who were chosen for the study specifically because they were from some of the most troubled and disadvantaged families in the Boston of the 1930s. Most lived in tenements, many without hot and cold running water.
從1938年起，我們 開始跟蹤兩組人的生活。 第一組加入這個項目的人， 當年在哈佛大學上大二。 他們在二戰期間大學畢業， 大部分人都參軍作戰了。 我們追蹤的第二組人 是一群來自波士頓貧民區的小男孩， 他們之所以被選中， 主要是因為他們來自 20世紀30年代波士頓 最困難 最貧困的家庭。 大部分住在廉價公寓里， 很多都沒有冷熱水供應。
3:53 When they entered the study, all of these teenagers were interviewed. They were given medical exams. We went to their homes and we interviewed their parents. And then these teenagers grew up into adults who entered all walks of life. They became factory workers and lawyers and bricklayers and doctors, one President of the United States. Some developed alcoholism. A few developed schizophrenia. Some climbed the social ladder from the bottom all the way to the very top, and some made that journey in the opposite direction.
在加入這個項目時， 這些年輕人都接受了面試。 接受了身體檢查。 我們挨家挨戶走訪了他們的父母。 然后這些年輕人長大成人， 進入到社會各個階層。 成為了工人、律師、磚匠、醫生， 還有一位成了美國總統。 有人成為酒鬼，有人患了精神分裂。 有人從社會最底層 一路青云直上， 也有人恰相反，掉落云端。
4:34 The founders of this study would never in their wildest dreams have imagined that I would be standing here today, 75 years later, telling you that the study still continues. Every two years, our patient and dedicated research staff calls up our men and asks them if we can send them yet one more set of questions about their lives.
這個項目的創始人們， 可能做夢都不會想到 75年后的今天，我會站在這里， 告訴你們這個項目還在繼續。 每兩年，我們耐心而專注的研究人員 會打電話給我們的研究對象， 問他們是否愿意 再做一套關于他們生活的問卷。
4:59 Many of the inner city Boston men ask us, "Why do you keep wanting to study me? My life just isn't that interesting." The Harvard men never ask that question.
那些來自波士頓的人問我們， “為什么你們一直想研究我？ 我的生活是很無趣的。” 但哈佛的人從沒這樣問過。
5:19 To get the clearest picture of these lives, we don't just send them questionnaires. We interview them in their living rooms. We get their medical records from their doctors. We draw their blood, we scan their brains, we talk to their children. We videotape them talking with their wives about their deepest concerns. And when, about a decade ago, we finally asked the wives if they would join us as members of the study, many of the women said, "You know, it's about time."
為了更好地了解這些人的生活， 我們不光給他們發問卷。 我們還在他們家客廳采訪他們。 從他們醫生那兒拿病歷。 抽他們的血，掃描他們的大腦， 跟他們的孩子聊天。 我們拍攝下他們和妻子談話的場景， 聊的都是他們最關心的問題。 大約在10年前，我們 終于開口問他們的妻子， 是否愿意加入我們的研究， 很多女士都說，“是啊， 終于輪到我們了。”
5:50 So what have we learned? What are the lessons that come from the tens of thousands of pages of information that we've generated on these lives? Well, the lessons aren't about wealth or fame or working harder and harder. The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.
那么我們得到了什么結論呢？ 那長達幾萬頁的數據記錄， 記錄了他們的生活， 我們從這些記錄中間， 到底學到了什么？ 不是關于財富、名望， 或更加努力工作。 從75年的研究中， 我們得到的最明確的結論是： 良好的人際關系能 讓人更加快樂和健康。就這樣。
6:22 We've learned three big lessons about relationships. The first is that social connections are really good for us, and that loneliness kills. It turns out that people who are more socially connected to family, to friends, to community, are happier, they're physically healthier, and they live longer than people who are less well connected. And the experience of loneliness turns out to be toxic. People who are more isolated than they want to be from others find that they are less happy, their health declines earlier in midlife, their brain functioning declines sooner and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely. And the sad fact is that at any given time, more than one in five Americans will report that they're lonely.
關于人際關系，我們得到三大結論。 第一，社會關系對我們是有益的， 而孤獨寂寞有害健康。 我們發現，那些跟家庭成員更親近的人， 更愛與朋友、與鄰居交往的人， 會比那些不善交際、離群索居的人， 更快樂，更健康，更長壽。 孤獨寂寞是有害健康的。 那些“被孤立”的人， 跟不孤單的人相比， 往往更加不快樂， 等他們人到中年時，健康狀況下降更快， 大腦功能下降得更快， 也沒那么長壽。 可惜的是，長久以來， 每5個美國人中就至少 有1個聲稱自己是孤獨的。
7:18 And we know that you can be lonely in a crowd and you can be lonely in a marriage, so the second big lesson that we learned is that it's not just the number of friends you have, and it's not whether or not you're in a committed relationship, but it's the quality of your close relationships that matters. It turns out that living in the midst of conflict is really bad for our health. High-conflict marriages, for example, without much affection, turn out to be very bad for our health, perhaps worse than getting divorced. And living in the midst of good, warm relationships is protective.
而且即便你身在人群中， 甚至已經結婚了， 你還是可能感到孤獨， 因此我們得到的第二大結論是 不是你有多少朋友， 也不是你身邊有沒有伴侶， 真正有影響的是這些關系的質量。 整天吵吵鬧鬧，對健康是有害的。 比如成天吵架，沒有愛的婚姻， 對健康的影響或許比離婚還大。 而關系和睦融洽， 則對我們的健康有益。
7:56 Once we had followed our men all the way into their 80s, we wanted to look back at them at midlife and to see if we could predict who was going to grow into a happy, healthy octogenarian and who wasn't. And when we gathered together everything we knew about them at age 50, it wasn't their middle age cholesterol levels that predicted how they were going to grow old. It was how satisfied they were in their relationships. The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80. And good, close relationships seem to buffer us from some of the slings and arrows of getting old. Our most happily partnered men and women reported, in their 80s, that on the days when they had more physical pain, their mood stayed just as happy. But the people who were in unhappy relationships, on the days when they reported more physical pain, it was magnified by more emotional pain.
當我們的研究對象步入80歲時， 我們會回顧他們的中年生活 看我們能否預測 哪些人會在八九十歲時過得快樂健康 哪些人不會。 我們把他們50歲時的所有信息 進行匯總分析， 發現決定他們將如何老去的， 并不是他們中年時的膽固醇水平。 而是他們對婚姻生活的滿意度。 那些在50歲時滿意度最高的人， 在80歲時也是最健康的。 另外，良好和親密的婚姻關系 能減緩衰老帶來的痛苦。 參與者中那些最幸福的夫妻告訴我們， 在他們80多歲時， 哪怕身體出現各種毛病， 他們依舊覺得日子很幸福。 而那些婚姻不快樂的人， 身體上會出現更多不適， 因為壞情緒把身體的痛苦放大了。
9:03 And the third big lesson that we learned about relationships and our health is that good relationships don't just protect our bodies, they protect our brains. It turns out that being in a securely attached relationship to another person in your 80s is protective, that the people who are in relationships where they really feel they can count on the other person in times of need, those people's memories stay sharper longer. And the people in relationships where they feel they really can't count on the other one, those are the people who experience earlier memory decline. And those good relationships, they don't have to be smooth all the time. Some of our octogenarian couples could bicker with each other day in and day out, but as long as they felt that they could really count on the other when the going got tough, those arguments didn't take a toll on their memories.
關于婚姻和健康的關系， 我們得到的第三大結論是， 幸福的婚姻不單能保護我們的身體， 還能保護我們的大腦。 研究發現，如果在80多歲時， 你的婚姻生活還溫暖和睦， 你對自己的另一半 依然信任有加， 知道對方在關鍵時刻能指望得上， 那么你的記憶力都不容易衰退。 而反過來， 那些覺得無法信任 自己的另一半的人， 記憶力會更早表現出衰退。 幸福的婚姻，并不意味著從不拌嘴。 有些夫妻，八九十歲了， 還天天斗嘴， 但只要他們堅信，在關鍵時刻， 對方能靠得住， 那這些爭吵頂多只是生活的調味劑。
10:00 So this message, that good, close relationships are good for our health and well-being, this is wisdom that's as old as the hills. Why is this so hard to get and so easy to ignore? Well, we're human. What we'd really like is a quick fix, something we can get that'll make our lives good and keep them that way. Relationships are messy and they're complicated and the hard work of tending to family and friends, it's not sexy or glamorous. It's also lifelong. It never ends. The people in our 75-year study who were the happiest in retirement were the people who had actively worked to replace workmates with new playmates. Just like the millennials in that recent survey, many of our men when they were starting out as young adults really believed that fame and wealth and high achievement were what they needed to go after to have a good life. But over and over, over these 75 years, our study has shown that the people who fared the best were the people who leaned in to relationships, with family, with friends, with community.
所以請記住， 幸福和睦的婚姻對健康是有利的， 這是永恒的真理。 但為什么我們總是辦不到呢？ 因為我們是人類。 我們總喜歡找捷徑， 總想一勞永逸， 找到一種方法，解決所有問題。 人際關系麻煩又復雜， 與家人、朋友相處需要努力付出， 一點也不高大上。 而且需要一輩子投入，無窮無盡。 在我們長達75年的研究中， 那些最享受退休生活的人， 是那些主動用玩伴 來替代工作伙伴的人。 就像開頭我說過的千禧一代一樣， 我們跟蹤研究的很多人 在年輕的時候 堅信名望、財富和成就 是他們過上好日子的保證。 但在75年的時間里， 我們的研究一次次地證明， 日子過得最好的， 是那些主動與人交往的人， 與家人、朋友或者鄰居。
11:20 So what about you? Let's say you're 25, or you're 40, or you're 60. What might leaning in to relationships even look like?
那么你們呢？ 也許你現在25歲， 或者40歲，或者60歲。 怎樣才算主動與人交往呢？
11:30 Well, the possibilities are practically endless. It might be something as simple as replacing screen time with people time or livening up a stale relationship by doing something new together, long walks or date nights, or reaching out to that family member who you haven't spoken to in years, because those all-too-common family feuds take a terrible toll on the people who hold the grudges.
嗯，我想有很多種方法吧。 最簡單的，別再跟屏幕聊天了， 去跟人聊天， 或者一起嘗試些新事物， 讓關系恢復活力， 一起散個步呀，晚上約個會呀， 或者給多年未曾聯系的親戚打個電話， 因為這種家庭不和睦太常見了， 但它帶來的傷害又很大， 尤其對那些喜歡 生悶氣的人來說更是如此。
12:03 I'd like to close with a quote from Mark Twain. More than a century ago, he was looking back on his life, and he wrote this: "There isn't time, so brief is life, for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that."
我想引用馬克•吐溫的一段話來作為結束。 一個多世紀前， 他回首自己的人生， 寫下這樣一段話： “時光荏苒，生命短暫， 別將時間浪費在 爭吵、道歉、傷心和責備上。 用時間去愛吧， 哪怕只有一瞬間，也不要辜負。”
12:33 The good life is built with good relationships.
Robert J. Waldinger, (born 1951) is an American psychiatrist and Professor at Harvard Medical School. He is known for a TED talk about his findings from a 75-year-long Harvard study on adult happiness.